Cross-posted at LP
Vale, the pro-democracy Left - this pallid specimen that blotches the screen before me is but a whited sepulchre, devoid, in it’s egregious simpletonism of even the slightest understanding of basic tactics
[”How many syllables was that? 47? You’re sure I used ‘egregious’ at least once? Excellent…”]
Hello, I’m Christopher Hitchens. Once again, I must be called upon to be of service in this grave crusade of which I am proud to say I am a mere footsoldier, by acting in defense of that much maligned benefactor of Iraq, the Australian Wheat Board. The case is simple. By bribing the country we were about to invade, the incredibly farsighted and steadfast AWB played a critical role in the preparations for Operation Iraqi Freedom.
At this very moment, I can see humourless lefties are giving that narrow grimace they call a ’smile’ and gritting their teeth with ‘laughter’, “oh ho, hah-hah, Christopher, as if. He must be joking!”, you writhe in you feeble approximations of mirth - entirely, parsimoniously, pericardially, proto-plasmatically predictable. Orwell is spinning in his grave, and yet you natter away, in this, our most dire hour.
Where am- where was I? [ Have I namedropped yet? I haven’t? Good lord!] Ah, yes, Salman Rushdie once told me that, "In order to do good, the evil must protect the strong from the good, lest in weakness, Tyranny should fall". What the AWB did, wasn’t that. It was different. In fact, the unfairly-demonised Paul Wolfowitz himself assured me of the momentous importance of the AWB’s task.
To wit, it was their self-sacrificing bribery that made a greater contribution to the overthrow of the bloated bellicose Butcher of Bahgdad than my own, putting the feeble efforts of the vultures of the Left to shame. By bribing Saddam Hussain, they confused him, so splendidly as to where he stood! Why should he take these ultimata, these countless, numberless, no - infinite, UN resolutions seriously, when there were still Western Governments making multi-million dollar deals with him? Why believe the US was serious this time, when contractors were still funneling money under the auspices of the UN? The poor crazed fool was hoplessly entagled in this web of grubby realpolitik that he could scarcely have noticed the bold, shining, sword of Democracy raining it’s merciless judgement on his sordid regime. So there. Aren’t you all ashamed? You’ve strove to ruin the careers of heroes all for your petting point-scoring politics. Wake up kids, the 60s are over, lets have a real debate!
Thank you and goodnight.
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